Liz and Fi email
BITCH:The Cummings family are the most annoying in Amercia, and that has to be saying something! Sara is an utter bitch, sleeping with Congressman Blythe, and if that wasn't bad enough, telling everyone about it for three months after it happened. Munchkin Smeg used to be nice, but now we can both see why Annie hates her so much, and also why Tim is totally smitten, the amount of electrical activity in his brain is just about enough to power her eyebrows for each episode. As if that is not bad enough, she gets Ben, who while not quite being the James Bond/Pierce Brosnan figure he so desires to be, (as well as wearing the same shirt for a whole week, smelly, horrid person) is so meant for Maria (or Mahriah as Mad Barwoman Carmen calls her). Hank is so annoying, just keep out of Meg's business, you ruin everything, you should really go back to Kansas and get swept up by a tornado. But, we have the perfect solution to the Ben/Meg/Maria thing, Ben has Maria, Meg gets Casey, and Sara gets Tim, perfect.
(Oh, and when will Maria meet her real best friend, Annie? She must be able to get Annie out of the rubbish she has got into with Greasy Gregory, after all, she is a conniving little thing with supersonic hearing, generated by those ears.)
BITCH:What's up with Ben? Excuse me, but couldn't he have had just a little trouble giving up Maria? I mean noone mourns someone all those years to the point he did and then just kicks them to the curb. I like Meg, but I really want her to get with Casey just to tick Tim and Sara off. I really can't stand those two. If I paid for the tickets, do you think they might go back to Kansas and take that jerk Hank with them. Speaking of which, how about Hank and Carmen as a super couple? Neither of them can keep from meddling in the lives of their children or believe that just maybe someone else is having trouble dealing with these mixed up relationships! Okay, I'm done now... Thank you, I feel much better.
BITCH:My favorite bitch lines for my favorite 3 bitches: Virginia, Annie and Francesca.
DR GREEN: You're going to hell for this!
VIRGINIA: And you're coming right with me.
ANNIE: Great costume Olivia, what are you, the wicked bitch of the west?
FRANCESCA: Its not over Cole.....NOT BY A LONG SHOT!
BITCH:Please, please please please bring back S.B. at 5.20pm!! I am going mad without it, having to wait for the omnibus on a Saturday is a complete nightmare!!!I need Cole every day!!! Oh, and while your at it, line the whole Cummings family up against a wall and shoot them all!!!!!!!
BITCH:Why is it that everyone has a job in Sunset Beach and they are always going to work but they never do any work. Casey hasn't saved anyone since Meg, and Ricardo has never solved the case. Why are these people pretending to have jobs? Dr OJ simpson (Tyus) is the only one that does anything. Can someone explain why?
BITCH: I'M ONE OF THE BIGGEST FANS OF SB I HAVE BEEN WATCHING IT FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW NEARLY ALL THE STORYLINES HAVE BEEN GREAT BUT THE FAVORITE ONE IS THE BEN,MEG AND MARIA SAGAS
IT AS BEEN FUN TO WATCH THIS STORYLINE AND I THINK BEN AND MARIEA SHOULD GET BACK TOGETEH AND MARIEA TO BE ANNIES BEST FRIEND AGAIN AND MEG SHOULD GET WITH CASEY SO SARAH IS ON HER OWN THANK GOD THAT MIGHT TELL HER TO GET OUT OF SB
I HATE HER SHE IS A RIGHT COW AND EVERYBODY PICKS ON BEN ABOUT HIS HAIR WELL YOU SHOULD LOOK AT COLES AND GROGREY'S AND I WISH THAT CHANNEL 5 WILL PUT SB BACK ON AT 5.20 ON WEEKDAYS AND I THINK THE FITTEST MEN ON THE SHOW IS ANTONIO AND BEN. WELL I WILL BE WATCHING, WILL YOU?
Mrs Antonio Torres
BITCH:Bring bach afternoon Sunny Bee.... this is a plea from a desperate soul............ PLEASE?
BITCH:What an evil cow that Gobby is! She's quite content to drive poor Antonio away from his home and family when she should be the one who leaves. Just leave him alone, Bitch!!!
BITCH:Everyone's complaining about SMeg and Maria, but the real culprit is Dr Estrada (Quack! Quack!). If she's such an expert, then how come Maria's hardly any better than she was six flaming months ago? And shouldn't anyone be questioning the hold our good Dr has over old English ? (great nickname- so much thought must have gone into that). He does whatever she says!
BITCH:Why hasn't anyone noticed that Monica Lewinski has been swanning about the beach, cunningly ( but not very well ) disguised as Meg ? Also, Annie, please get some dress sense. The hot pink and ginger hair really do not go !
BITCH:This isn't really a bitch but a query. Since Vanessa and Michael have both been cured of Martin's syndrome what is happening to Vanessa's bubble-wrapped mother? Does anyone know? Does anyone apart from me care?
BITCH:Does anyone know if the afternoon SB has gone for good? I would have thought that Channel 5, having so few viewers anyway, wouldn't alienate the ones they've got by taking Sunset Beach off and showing some crap B-movies that didn't even make it to video....anyway, apart from that I can't wait to see how the almost transparent threads of the plots and sub-plots are going to tie together over the next few weeks: however, I do feel that more gratuitous flashbacks of a semi-naked Cole are needed to remind us of his various past infidelities-even though his posterior seems to grow bigger by the episode! I bet Caitlin secretly envies his voluptuous child-bearing hips.....
BITCH:When oh when will Casey get a decent storyline, and better still, a decent looking girlfriend. Sarah is just 'pot ugly'. I think Ben and Meg should get back together and Maria should hook up with Casey. Just looove that Annie. A woman with fabulous looks, scheming mind and Gregory to boot!! Get rid of Caitlin, or at least bring back the old one. This Caitlin is so wooden and I'm sure she reads off cue cards. But most of all - bring back SB in the afternoon.
BITCH:I am also glued to SB like some of the people. Not for the storyline (no one out there is, is there?) but for the gorgeous birds.
BITCH:Ok, why arent channel 5 showing SB in the afternoon ON WEEKDAYS?!? its much more interesting than boring repetitive gameshows like100%. BRING BACK SB TO THE AFTERNOONS!!!!!!.
BITCH:I wish Derick was a live as then Maria could run off with him and let Ben & Meg live there life in peace.
BITCH:Not a bitch, a tribute to Annie - that girl & her antics make saturdays a joy! I still can work out what made me laugh more - 'Awesome Annie' or the Whipped Cream Bikini! We need more Annie & less Smug Smeg, Dopey Maria & Boring Caitlin!
BITCH:Dear Lord, so I find the Casey/Sarah relationship annoying!!! Sarah has a head the shape of a mouldy turnip and the personality of a slug. Their relationship is very odd indeed. I wouldn't even bother with someone if they liked someone else! Meg, why did you leave? You silly dopey woman! Your new hairdo is poo. And so is your burgundy outfit you have been wearing for the past 5 days you smelly woman! Caitlin is so thick. God I wish they would pair Cole up with someone with a little more spark in them - like Franchesca! Annie rules! She's top stuff! Thickardo is particularly unattractive. Yuk! Dim Tim has very questionable hair. God he's so boring! I rather stick pins in my eyes then go out with a man like that! What a bore! Why does no one believe anything that that tarot wielding witch predicts! Everything she says comes true and yet everyone disregards her when she says stuff! I wish she would call people by their proper name instead she makes up her own va! riation of their names! If she tried to say my name wrong I'd tell the old bint where to go!!! And lastly, Smeggy old Smeg. I don't know which one should stay with Ben. Personally, I think he's let himself go a bit. That greasy hair is just too greasy for my liking! Meg should cooks some eggs on his head to cheer herself up! I am not fond of Meg at the moment. I am particularly happy that she is blubbing all the time and getting a raw deal! HA! Eggy Boo Meg!!
BITCH:Alien Ben - has anyone else noticed that Ben has suddenly become a right old git! Don't get me wrong, I adore the man and could quite happily spend all of my life practicing "Ben Worship". However, that damn imposter claiming to be Ben is getting on my t*ts!!! Despite the abuse that I was hurling at the TV he still let Meg leave, and didn't do a damn thing to stop her. This is not the real Ben Evans!! Who kidnapped him? And whoever's got him, would you consider selling him to me? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
BITCH:I've just got to say something about Meg's irritating voice! I really hate the way it rises to a shrill, hysterical high-pitched shriek whenever she gets upset. For Antonio's sake, give the woman some acting lessons!!
BITCH:Sunset Beach is compulsive viewing but I have 3 words: Thickado,Ben and Olivia! You would have thought after 'Upstairs Downstairs' she would have enrolled in some much needed acting classesbut no she invested in a new wig! the accent is unberable and not only is she a class a bitch she never gets the blame for ANYTHING !!! What everyone in the Richards household fails to realise is that the whole baby snatching scenario is all her fault if she hadnt slept with sexy Cole or agreed to steal Caitlen's baby none of this would have happened she should have jumped off the cruise when she had the chance but unfortuntely whispering AJ stopped her worse luck. Ben- the cold b****rd ! for the life of me I can't fathom why the greasy haired ape has two women after him he's nothing but an immitation Timothy Dalton without the talent! and he never ever admits that he is wrong nor that he is not the authority on everything and he tries to control everyone. It's time their was a backlash: an anti- Ben campaign and lastly our friend thickado - well the name speaks for it's self he just hasnt got a clue, pity he didnt get the looks or the brains from his fit brother Antonio!.
BITCH:I would just like to say I particulary hate Joan and Hank. They are the most stupid couple in the history of the world. Why doesn't Derrick come back and torture them for weeks instead of poor sweety Ben. Also, Casey always folds his arms in an annoying way.
BITCH:Why hasn't there been a decent gay storyline yet? all American programmes have one. I reckon Antonio should realise that Cole is the one who tickles his feather and should get it on with him. anything to make Cole slightly more intersting than he is. Oh and why does Vanessa want Michael anyway? He's thick, ugly, slow and sterile
BITCH:I am a mad keen sunset beach fan, and I won't hear a word said against it. How dare you use the word "bitch" in the same scentance as such a wonderful show. It is not at all cheesy or sad, I live my whole life by this show! If you have any problems with this, or think I am sad in any way whatsoever, do not hesitate to contact me. I am willing to discuss any aspect of this wonderful show with anyone. So "hop on baby!"
BITCH:So where can I start? The whole damn cast of SB have a huge problem, they must have surely by now been alienated by the pathetic plot lines (if you can call it 'plot') and have forgotten what real-life is. Mind you, after 45 minutes of SB everyday, can any of us be sure? One person who has seriously lost the plot is Maria. I wish Ben would just toss her back into the ocean and have done with it. I suppose acting classes are too much to ask for when you look like a demented puppy with those bloody 'I used to have a brain - I think' eyes staring at us all the time. And could SMeg be much more of a whimp? She needs to help Ben cart Maria up there to the peir, and while she's at it make sure Casey jumps in after her to save Maria, only to drown himself too! Oh what a tragedy that would be!!!!!!!(hahahahahaha). Then the rest of the Cumming family shold go back to Kansas, you know, theres no place like home, and they sure don't fit in around SB. Next thing to happen !in my wonderful plot would be for Timmy -boy to shack up with Sara, I mean they are both evil, scheming, dastardly people, far too upbeat for the rest of the Beachers... or so you'd think. Our dear Gregory certainly has matched his bitch-from-hell wife's standards, if not surpassed them, but are Annie and little miss 'oh my god cole won't love me if he realises Trey isn't his because I have no redeeming features of my own' really that stupid that they don't realise Gregory has something to do with it, the way he drops the odd hint here and there. But of course they don't, because it seems to be a pre-requisite to act on the show that you have absolutley NO BRAIN. I mean, Spike and Trey could tie up all the loose ends of the storylines straight away with their brainpower compared to that of the rest of the so-called 'sentient' characters.
BITCH:Ricardo and Gaaaaabi!! EEEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!
BITCH:why can't Casey the goody two shoes have a decent story line, like he didn't really fall out with his dad, but killed him and the rest of his family and they are all buried under surf central, he then teams up with Michael, another goody, and kills all the Cummings (that is a way to get rid of them all). And Gooby leave Antonio alone he is soooo much of a sex god!!!p>
BITCH:I think it is about time the scriptwriters gave Smeg some brains, becuse maybe then she would realise that she is not wanted BIG TIME and that Ben and Maria were completely ment for each other. Is there anyway the Rosario Curse could surface and only effect Sara as she is already half way there to being a mummy!!
BITCH:I haven't been watching SB for long, but I can't help but notice what an odd little thing Gabby is! Large head, child's body, appalling dress sense, hacking laugh and grating voice! How exactly did she get on this show? And when will Ben wash his hair? You could fry an egg in it!
Even more bitches ...............