Bitch Archives
Katy & Katherine
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BITCH:Can someone please point Smeg in the direction of a wallpaper stripper, she needs it to get all that gunk off her face, or failing that the pier and a long walk off it would do. Maybe stalker Tim would follow her over the edge. This would leave hair gel Ben and 'Oh I'm so surprised look how wide my eyes' are Maria together in that awful house with the cardboard stairs - has anyone else noticed the hollow clunking? What a shame no-one's fallen through them yet. Maybe that would be a good way of getting rid of the rest of the Cummings. Greggy is pure evil at the moment. How dare he torture poor Annie like that?She is the best super-bitch from hell! Still, we'd like to see what will happen to him once she realises he's the blackmailer - another use for that turkey baster perhaps? And what is all that about? What is Virginia on?She should go and play with that turkey baster on her own! Shame she didn't get stung by the scorpion. Still, there's always a freak jellyfish incident to finish her off if the scriptwriters get really bored. Perhaps a sting would put an end to Shaun's rapping too. There's always hope. And why oh why is Amy interested in him when she could have the marginally nicer Brad? And why the hell has Emily gone on the pill? Surely the jewels are still having a strange effect on her brain! (but it is debatable if she has one!!) Still SB, it's great isn't it? Where would we be without Father Fit and Cole's dimples?
Mrs Nick Kiriazis
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BITCH:Why doesn't Antonio get more scenes? clearly he is by far the best actor on SB and they waste all their time on Ben and Meg. Also if i was Meg i'd just kill myself because her whole life has been one long catalouge of disasters first she almost married Tim (Where was her mind) then as if that wasn't bad enough she runs away to sunset beach to find Ben who is probably the most pug ugly man in the whole world and then she gets shamed because he's not interested in her as he is obsessed with his "dead" wife, finally Ben wakes up and decides he does love her but then his mad man identical twin brother gets up and tries to kill him and meg,this goes on for god knows how long and after that Ben's supposedly dead wife decides she's not dead after all and comes back. On top of all that Meg has rodeo Hank as her father and Sara the White House Tramp as her sister- I don't know how she even gets up in the morning because if i was her i'd be drinking bleach by now - and also to make matters worse she styles herself on Monica Lewinsky - i just don't know where her brains are- anyway back to Antonio he is definately the best thing on Sunset Beach and they should make him the central character and change the shows name to Fr. Antonio and friends.
Jodie
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BITCH:I never thought that Amy's remaining brain cells could desert her but they did, telling Amy to get over being blind! I watch the show every day and all I ever hear Amy and sleazy Brad saying is "Like get over it already!" Dah! And did anybody else notice that the other day when Gregory was sat in his study bugging Annie's conversations that it was just a little james bond, sat stroking the cat in his lap and everything. Maria needs to go away with her mom and discover herslf in some far eastern country and leave Ben and Meg alone, she might have crazy eyebrows but i've got too used to them over Maria's wobbly lips!
SB lover
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BITCH:Hey hasn't Meg ever heard of eye make up remover coz she really needs it!! um...I'm not sure that GOBBY and Antonio should be a couple coz there has to be a difference between their looks!! - same type of hair, same chest size!!!!
Elizabeth Richards
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URL:http://members.aol.com/fair yspy/prof3/index.htm
BITCH:Why do these characters ever wake up when their dream and fantasy life is so cool? That's the best part of the show. If everybody else sleeps about 1/3 of their lives, the least we should get is 1/3 of the show being the good stuff--Annie in hell, Caitlin in her fairy tales, and Virginia in MichaeLALA land.
bec
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BITCH:Does that annoying girl realise what she's doing going out with Shaun, I'm afraid she'd have to be blind to even be interested in his pudgy looks, and as for Brad, is he 30 or what, another thing , how old was Maria when she married Ben, about 12 ? My guess is she's been away having her mouth widened for the last 5 years, when she does that dozy remembering thing its wide enough to fit in the whole of sunset beach. How many times has Cole had to be revived in his life he - seems awfully unlucky.
Lynn Evans-Deschanel
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BITCH:Maria Evans. I wish Derek would come back and kill her!
sarz and chelle.
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BITCH:Who thought of the jewels storyline? it's the biggest load of sh*t we've ever seen. Cole and Antonio could visit us anytime!!!!
Amanda Torres
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BITCH:I really hate Gabby! Every time she goes near Antonio, I want to scream! She looks like a stick-insect (and has the acting ability of one too!) and I wish she and Thickardo would leave SB forever. By the way, I think Carmen is lovely!
Mrs Antonio Torres
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BITCH:I am soooo fed up of Smeg, can't the scriptwriters write Miss Goody Two Shoes out of the show!! I am sure there would be a queue of people that would not just get rid of her, but the whole Cummings family (whoes idea was it to give them that surname, it is such a bad joke?!). Who in their right mind would want to join that family (Tim and Casey, need I say more about the brains department!!). PLEASE!!!!!!!
Andy
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BITCH:When is Francesca going to realise she's better off using her beauty to lighten up NORTH LONDON. p.s. I'm sure I nearly saw someone breaking into decent acting or was I imagining .
Amy
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BITCH: When they did the ship in the tidal wave story line, i reckon they stole the left over sets from titanic. I know most of the storylines are completely unbelievable anyway, but cursed jewels?!!! what a load of c**p!! Why does it take so long for anything to happen?
Annie's Love Child
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BITCH: I don't really have one except that why do they bother with these boring story lines. Maria "HELLO!" Torres and Meg "Kick me i am so nice" (almost) Evans should run away and leave Ben out of Sunset Beach as i cannot stand his little twisted features anymore.
But Antonio can come round to my house anytime he wants!!! What is the choice
Goobi? Ricardo 9Who looks about sunbed 40) or Antonio (Literally god's gift to Sunset Beach). Any more complaints.... Yes Meg's entire family, why have they all, yes ALL shipped up and out of Kansas to the Beach???? And Casey what did he fall
out with his dad about he must have a secret but it will no doubt take a couple of years for anyone to find out!!! But HEY you gotta luv it.!! Oh and bring Mark from the dead, even as a rotting corpse he would have more sex appeal than Ricardo an casey put together!!!
Anna Larke
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URL: www.neurodne.demon.co.uk
BITCH:Why, oh why, does Antonio fancy Gabbi?
She looks like a little pixie that works in a chippie! What kind of greasy oil slick is that on her head!? Why is Ricardo with her? She accused him of RAPE! Nearly put him in prison! Meg is always crying - what a whinger! Mind you, she's got competition though now Maria's on the scene. I wanna see a CAT FIGHT! A great big
scrap! Yay! Maria is always fainting and fluttering her eyelashes in mock bewilderment. Dopey woman. Meg's sister is an evil little cow too. I can't bear Emily (she is so dopey especially going out with Shaun (I could rap better than him!!!!)).
Cole is a cardboard cut-out, Caitlin is a wax-work dummy (bring back the old Caitlin!) As for Casey, Barbie and Ken? Nope, should have been Barbie and Casey if you ask me! As for Virginia, I'm sick of her scheming! No one (especially pearly
white-toothed Michael) is going to want to date a dirty old tug boat like her! Her lumpen mishappen, crotchety face drives me mad and if I had the turkey baster, I know where I'd shove it! Annie is a nympho, Gregory is a shrivelled prune. However,
I watch Sunset Beach all the flipping time.
What an addiction! Despite my bitchin', I never want Sunset beach to
disappear from our TV screens!
ben's hairgel email
BITCH:what was with Maria's little collapsing act anyway? and what was with Annie playing detective with her little toys ? and can Maria PLEASE get a new facial expression
Neill the wise email
BITCH:Yes, come to think of it... Maria could have been drowning in the ocean, about to die, when,,, a strange light from above! She's taken aboard an alien craft! Five years later, they dump her back with no memory of her experiences. Just think- Mulder and Scully could guest star, Ben could turn out to have an alien love child, Derek could be revealed as the director of the NSA... the aliens could come back and remove that hopeless chump Meg... It'll be fantastic! Start writing to channel 5 for the 'more weird alien nonsense on the Beach' campaign! do it NOW!!!