Last updated 4th March 2000. This is now an archived page
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Odes to Sunset Beach
What is this with slinging Maria into the ocean, and Bitch Features Meg getting her man? Benji's the only male with any sense for the moment it seems - he knows better than to trust Meg. I say Go Maria!
Okay so I am getting fed up of the fact that Gregroy and Olivia are still not together. Look the shoing is going to end soon. These two are a perfect match, they belong together.
Ok this week even the limit of suspended belief went too far! Maria is being held by Derek and Tess in some house. She manages to scrape through thick ropes tying her up by rubbing against a wooden table (OK this I can just about pretend to believe). She gets out the room and hides as Derek and Tess go by - does she head for the door? OH NO OF COURSE NOT! She goes straight for the basement muttering "maybe there is a way out of this basement". Obvious isn't it - always have a door out of the old basement....
After that the Casey and Sarah unbelievably stilted phone call was a doddle to believe!
Well my biggest bitch this week is against the cretins who are going to deprive me of my beloved programme in less than a months time. Where else am I going to find such perfectly crafted, trashily delightful escapist trash? I hate them all. Let's all have a wake in the last week. I need to say goodbye properly.
Eurghh I think Im going to puke, Vanessa and Michael are getting married and then their taking Vanessas parents on honeymoon with them.I've just thought of a sick but interesting storyline wouldnt it be great if they discovered they were sister and brother?!!! let me know what you think!!
Did Annie actually show she has some feelings this week,surely not?!! But when Bette gave her the speech about Annie being more like Olivia than she realises, I swear I saw some real tears in her eyes.It was almost like proper acting!! This realism has to stop, or it'll ruin the show.
ISNT IT A SHAME THAT ANTONIO WAS DEFROCKED BY THAT LITTLE MADAM GABBI. HE IS NOW SOILED GOODS, BUT I STILL WOULD MIND GIVING IT A GO AND MAKE HIM THE MAN THAT HE SHOULD BE. NAKED AND COVED IN CHOCOLATE ICECREAM WITH FRUITS STATEGICALLY PLACED. AND GOODNESS ISNT THE CHARACTER THAT PLAYS JUDE ABSOLUTLY TO DIE FOR? ADULT WET DREAMS ABUNDANT.
A big HI to everyone - you are not alone in continually wondering WHY! (Why you watch it, why you love it, why Gabi doesn't get a facelift, etc.) From the brilliant web site "The six stages of addiction to SB" I am in stage four! Oh dear!
THis week's most slappable faces:
Gabi - just for being Gabi
Meg - for daring to stand in Derek's way (the more mayhem the better!)
Sara - for not having any lips
Sean - Do I need a reason?
AJ - for only having one facial expression
Caitlin - for not being able to say a sentence without the word "Cole" in it. Get a life girl!
And this week's applause goes to:
Annie - for having the best fantasies, and for not being all drippy
just because she got laid
Tess - for landing one on Casey
Derek - for being ever more twisted and evil
Amy - Give the girl her due, she's willing to look a right tit to win the man she loves (I mean, a nun's outfit?!)
Ricardo - much better since he turned BAAAD
i hate anne she is a caniving little cow she always up no good and her and jude should jet together they would make a lovley couple only if anne would realise it.
Tess and Derek what a pair of naughty young scamps they are! Who are they going to bump off next?It should be sMeg all she does is pouts and she cant even do it propely!! Benji is definately the spawn of the Devil!! Perhaps they could bury him under a statue aswell. Now that would make a fantastic storyline!! At risk of sounding cheesy Im so glad I have found this page,its good to know there are people out there with a twisted sense of humour like mine.Keep on watching and keep on bitching!!
Gregorys disguise is cr*p,why havent they all sussed it out by now!Even my five year old sister knew it was the same person.As for that mad witch doctor woman what is she on?(probably one of her own potions!!)Amy wants to be a nun!! Give me a break! Maybe somone should give her one (the neck would be a good place to start!!)
maggie p shields
sunset beach is plain and simple a great laugh. my fave ep. was the one where Annie was trying to sedce Gregory again and covered herself in cream . that was the funniest
Yippe, Annie got laid at last, but trust her to spoil any chance of happiness. How delightful to see Livvy become a lush. Now please let Annie get control of the estate... Didn't Derek take just a bit too much pleasure in telling Maria what a big sappy weakling she was. And didn't you want to slap her for all that blubbering? Yuk! And finally, I never thought I'd say this but I am soo glad Susan Ward is back, and hey, the scriptwriters have a sense of humour with Sarah's remarks on how different she looks...
What is it with the women in Ben's life?? Both Maria & the Smeg stand in, Sydney Penny have unnaturally deep voices. Heres a thought, maybe Deriks got homosexual tendancies, I mean he only started going after Meg when the actress changed & the voices go deeper. Have u noticed how that only happens when Meg & Maria r pissed off!!
By the way will someone do something about devil child Benji-he deserves to die
How thick is Gobby? The other day she was kissing Thickardo & she didnt seem to notice how repulsed he looked-she's so dumb & I hate her!!!!!
And the oscar for intelligent thinking goes to..... Casey! After finding Tim's body in the monument he said to Sara, "there's a chance that he might have been murdered!" Wow he's razor sharp is our Casey! Did he think that Tim just laid down and died naturally under a ton of concete if so the local grave digger might find himself out of work!
Glad to see you are still keeping up the weekly slagging sessions. That's the essence and the whole point of watching the show - to wince at the complete and utter farcical plots and sets! I've made many observations over the months and months that I've been watching, and here I will share some with you:
1. The obvious one about all the characters talking to themselves like idiots, especially on matters of complete and utter confidentiality that they'd not want anyone overhearing...aaarrrggghhh!
2. The next obvoius one about all the characters repeating themselves continually from scene to scene...aaarrrggghhh!
3. Have you noticed how the floors of each home/office/church/cafe/club in the series all seem to be layed with the same old lino that creates a really irritating clickety footstep sound whenever any of the female characters flip over it in their heels - have these rich americans not heard of the luxury item: carpet for their posh homes?
4. Why doesn't anyone sit down? Have you ever seen just one scene where they come home, into the living room or office or wherever fix themselves a drink and just flop down on the sofa before engaging in conversation? Do these characters spend their lives standing up? The only one who's getting a bit of a rest these days is Ricardo in his sick bed.
5.... I could go on and on, but I'll save some more observations for next time to include in your weekly gripe box!
Benji....I know that it is supposed to rain all the time in Seattle, but PLEASE! The child has obviously never seen natural light...he is SO white! Do you know why we have never seen him at the deep? He would show up purple under the ultra violet lights... Bog off back to Seattle Benji and do us all a favour!
Please oh please can Bette just tell AJ that she fancies him and then they can have a snog and Olivia can walk in and AJ can dump Olivia and take up with Bette. I don't much care for AJ (or Olivia) but Bette is cool and deserves some happiness. Please let Annie be successful with her potion so that Livvy the Divvy becomes Livvy the lush, That'll be great,and more incentive for AJ to dump her and take up with Bette.
So Dim Tim has met his fate at the hands of dastardly Derek - yippee! What a relief to never have to look at that hair again! But the scene where Derek breaks in Surf Central was too cheesy for words. i mean how could Mig not notice this hand sticking out. But of course she is the most irritating self-centred creature on the planet, isn't she.
So Thickardo walks? Wow, what a credible storyline, and Gobby's a mutt for staying with a guy who power-trips her all the time, i mean what a macho freak. Maybe the two of them could just kill each other and we can all breathe a sigh of relief.
don't get me wrong aunt bet is one of my fave SB women, but christ does she look like a drag queen or what in the opening credits! What's that all about! I luv SB, BUT why does it take so long for anything to actually happen!? I mean it takes about 17 episodes to walk across a room! Also before i go, has anyone else got SUNSETBEACHITUS? I keep talking to myself in the most normal of situations, except in my life theres not quite so many plot twists & long lost twins!
i don't know why I love this show
Is it just me that cannot stand the way it takes Olivia 20 minutes to get one line from her mouth? And Meg? Isn't she supposed to be sweet and lovely? and isn't she just the bitchiest, most smarmy character in the show? I think Olivia and AJ go perfectly with each other. He, for some reason unbeknown to the rest of the world, thinks she's fabulous, and she seems able to ignore the fact that he doesn't seem able to talk above 1 decibel. Why does it always take about 5 months for one storyline to be resolved. When we're all sitting at home shouting the obvious to the TV, everyone on the beach stays as stupid as ever. But are they all really supposed to be THAT stupid? Could Maria's neck BE any longer and to make it worse she always stands with her head way up and looks down on people. ARRRAGGh, what a bitch. The only two characters I like are Annie and Bett. With them, what you see is what you get.
I hate Gobby she has a face like a great big lump of mouldy cheese. And doesnt she look OLD in those scenes shot outside?! She's a worthless piece of shit and I hope poor Antonio will soon realise this.
I HATE Meg! She's she's such a cow, whining about ben (speaking of which, what's up with that?) this is such an annoying story. They're all so ridiculous. The best actress is definitely Annie, because she's such a bitch, i like her, she's the only one who isn't as pathetic as the rest of 'em, you know, the whole "wine me, dine me" thing...
Gabi reminds me of a nasty bad smell - quick to arrive but very difficult to get rid of!!
The big DUH prize goes to Gobby for not realising that Thickardo was working up to showing her the tape. Oh the expression on her face when she saw it. Bit like Sigourney Weaver when she first sees the Alien! Please, please somebody get rid of Vanessa and saccharine-gob Michael. I really thought I'd I'd throw up over Michael's "fantasy" and felt even sicker when I realised I might have to watch it again for real. Please let them both drown in a riptide. I can quite understand Bette "losing her appetite" in the presence of AJ - he's enough to put anyone off their food. And lastly-who is the sadist who wrote that scene with "the blue crayon" and "the lucky tuppence" - the lucky WHAT? If I were Derek I would have willingly demonstrated to Bokey Benji just where he could stick 'em. If I hear one more "Dadeeeeee" or "momeeee" I swear I will smash the telly. Please cut ALL scenes involving that runty little squit - let's face it, it won't make any difference to the! plot.
even more bitches ......
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